I WAS ACCUSTOMED TO MY BODY BEING HYDRATED

I was accustomed to my body being constantly hydrated with the finest essential oils, jojaba, lavender milk, honey extract and royal jelly. This I had taken to be the state of things. Natural. Now here I was in the desert all dried out and scaly, with nothing but cactus and tumbleweeds for company. I stroked the spines of the cactus with my scaly, unhydrated, jojoba-less finger. It sent an erotic tingle straight through my body. My toes buzzed. My spine was at attention.

ALL THE DIFFERENT ELVIS'

All the different Elvis' were standing in a cricle, ready to draw their guns. Sun Elvis, Hawaii Elvis, Fun In Acapulco Elvis, Racecar Driver Elvis, Doctor Elvis , Vegas Elvis. They all understood one another, felt an acute sense of the pain they shared, but each believed they were the superior Elvis, the peak of his movement toward godhood, and couldn't stand the idea of the others existing as lesser Elvi. Their eyes darted back and forth, their fingers wiggled. Their pelvis' wiggled too.

SHE LISTED OFF ALL THE MEN SHE HAD EVER SLEPT WITH

She listed off all the men she had ever slept with and put a tick next to the good roots and a cross next to the dud roots. Later, she spilled a glass of enchanted cognac on the page, and the good roots magically appeared in the room as sexy phantasms. Shirtless, sexy phantasms. They were all smiling benignly and so happy to see her again. They all seemed pretty happy to see each other too, and occasionally she would have to clear her throat and remind them that she was the one who had summoned them and she would like to be touched right now, right here, yes, yes, just like that.

ANGELS FLOODED INTO THE DISCO

Angels flooded into the Disco, bumping people out of the way, knocking drinks out of peoples hands with their wings. A hundred of them must have rolled into the place, flashing crazy eyes and dancing in a wild, threatening manner. This mass of white had everybody shook and confused. Surely angels weren't supposed to behave in this manner? Or be in a disco at all. One angel clambered on top of the speaker stack and thrust her hips back and forth violently.

I WAS IN MIAMI

I was in Miami, waiting by the airstrip for the Cubans to arrive. I wished I hadn't worn my emoto-colour-changing trousers. A drug deal like this always makes me nervous, and the colour of my trousers would reveal my deepest fears to them. I had to be in a state of deep meditation and keep the trousers a cool, sky blue. Their jeep arrived, dust blowing in the wind behind it. I gritted my teeth and focused on that calm blue.

A WHITE CAT HOPS ONTO THE DINNER TABLE

A white cat hops onto the dinner table. The dinner guests watch in astonishment as this tiny thing swallows a whole roast chicken, a plate of a parsnips, a pumpkin pie, a head of lettuce, a bottle of aperol, a bottle of champagne, a bottle of cognac, a pheasant, a tray of pate, a trunk full of jelly, a washing basket of strawberries, a machine machine of lemon zest, a house full of egg white, and steps off the other end of the table with no sense of indigestion. Perhaps science could reveal the secrets of this cat's marvelous digestion, but nobody's cutting into this white cat, not a chance.

FLOWERS FALL FROM THE TREE

Flowers fall from the tree to coat the path in white and pink. The whole city soon is covered in white and pink petals and they are constantly falling. It is a blizzard of soft white and pink petals. One pushes through and occasionally comes upon a shimmering, moving shape in the petal cloud. Another person, or perhaps a cat. Everyone and everything is covered in petals so it is hard to distinguish, but one can still fell the pulse of another living thing close by. It is a muted world, but far more pleasant than the grey alternative of smog and acid rain.