THE BITTER TASTE HUNG AROUND MY MOUTH FOR SEVERAL DAYS

The bitter taste hung around my mouth for several days, unabated. I tried eating c antelope and drinking gin with milk and i gargled drain cleaning fluid and i scraped my tongue with a razor but it was to no avail. I realized the bitterness must be in my brain so I went onto the rooftop and meditated for three days, through the rain and hail and lighting. I was struck by lightning seven times. It seemed ridiculous. When i returned to the ground, I could not walk in a straight line so i took to walking sideways, like a crab. I used my hands like pincers, and when i wanted someone to pass me the salt, I would look them hard in the eye and make the "click click" pincer movement with my hands.

UNDERNEATH THE NIGHT SKY

Underneath the night sky there walk little feet with three prongs of spiky nailed yellow tough skin that scratches the ground in morse code, Alerting the other fowl that the time for action is now. The chickens and pheasants and geese and water ducks gather in the clearing and form a great bird pyramid. Eventually the very highest bird is able to reach the moon. It gives it one fierce peck and the moon cracks open, with a mighty crack that sends a wave shooting through the universe, spinning planets around and shooting cosmic dust all over the place. The great fiery bird emerges from the moon and squawks haughtily.

THE BUNGEE CABLE STRETCHED TAUGHT IN A PLEASING FASHION

The bungee cable stretched taught in a pleasing fashion, and then snapped altogether. My heart beat fast as I dropped through empty space and hit the water. I seemed to only increase in the speed of my plunging, before I could really compute the science of this I had hit the bottom of the lake, plunged through the rock, passed right through the centre of the earth (getting rather crispy on the way), and popped right out the other side of the earth. Thankfully I grabbed some chinese food as I popped out, because lord knows how long I was going to keep falling through space like this.

THE POST IS PICKED UP FROM THE MAILBOX AND FLUNG INTO THE AIR

The post is picked up from the mailbox and flung into the air. The currents in the air have been digitally magnetized and slipstreamed so that the packages go exactly where they are supposed to go. The only problem is pirate birds. Dirty stinking pirate birds with eye-patches and sharpened beaks and cutlasses attached to their wings. Pirate pigeons and pirate cockatoos and pirate wrens.

ON TOP OF OLD SMOKEY

On the top of old smokey I found one meatball. It was frozen in the snow, so i took it into the cabin and cuddled up in bed with it, and I nursed it back to health until it was nice and soft and ready to eat. But just as I went to bite it, it bit my hand clean off. Blood spurted in obscene jets. I screamed and ran out into the snow.

I GOT ME A CHICKEN WINGDING

I got me a chicken wingding and the bones got stuck in my throat and they poked out so then I had a hole in my throat like those guys with smoking voiceboxes and I started to play the didgeridoo through the hole and it was a dynamite combination but then just as I was about to take the stage for my big performance at the concert hall, the hole in my throat closed over. "Get me a plate of chicken wingdings!", I said to my assistant, Charles.

I GET TO TREMBLING WHENEVER A BUTTERFLY LANDS ON ME

I get to trembling whenever a butterfly lands on me. Those tiny feet wending their way along my shoulder, getting right into my pores, those wings softly caressing my ear. I want you to walk and nuzzle all over me, butterfly, in all my crevices. I will cover myself with whatever it is butterflies like to eat, I will make myself a sanctuary for butterflies, I will set my backyard up as a butterfly paradise, Just give me those sweet steps.