THE COFFEE DRIPS INTO THE POT

The coffee drips into the pot. It is so strong that it burns through the bottom of the pot like acid, burns through the floor and into the basement. And I am laying there in the basement with my mouth open, ready to drink it in. When I have drunk my fill, my eyes expand and I levitate. I float up the stairs and out the door and along my street, red lasers shooting out of my eyes, burning my enemies horribly. I have to watch out for power lines.

TRANSUBSTANTIATION IS SO FUCKING HOT

Transubstantiation is so fucking hot. When I line up in front of the man in the hat to get my wafer and and drink the wine out of that chalice, knowing it REALLY is the flesh and blood of Jesus himself, eternal mega-celebrity heartthrob, that I'm devouring and supping on him, THE REAL GUY, in public, surrounded by all these people, oh god that's sweet perversion.

MY WHOLE BODY WAS DIPPED

My whole body was dipped in egg and rolled in bread crumbs. I had been crumbed. Surely, I thought, this was leading to me bring fried. But all of a sudden the giant kitchen was empty, the door wide open to freedom. Was it a trick? Surely no greater horror could await me through that door than the searing pan burning these breadcrumbs into my tender thighs.

THERE IS A STORM

There is storm. It is making the water into waves. The waves are crashing against a boat. I am in the boat. I fear for my life. I have never been in the midst of such fury, and I do not want to die. I have smelled and tasted many things, but I wish to smell and taste many things more. And many of the exquisite things I have smelled and tasted before, I wish to smell and taste them again. I cling tight to this railing and hope that today will not be the day of my death.

BAREFACED INTRANSIGENCE

Barefaced intransigence by cretinous goons intent on destroying the fibrous moral fibres that we have built up through our daily easting of bran flakes through the ages, from the times of battling with short armed dinosaurs to our battles with robotic wives whose cannon arms endanger our every waking hour, must be obliterated.

BOILING CAULDRONS OVERFLOWING

Boiling cauldrons overflowing, great crashing cymbals, mice scattering everyone. terror struck faces, armour covered giants striding purposefully through town, eagles circling overhead, a storm coming, impending doom, the army marching over the hillside, the gods getting angry, plots hatching, wicked winds a coming, raggedy carts coming down the road with them

MEDIUM TO HIGH SEXINESS LEVELS

"I always aim for medium to high sexiness levels", I proudly told the doctor. He frowned at me gravely. "I'm not sure how to tell you this, Sir, but your sexiness levels are through the floor. I've never seen such dangerously low levels of sexy". I just about fell of my chair. "But i've been using herbal essences bodywash every day, to keep myself smelling good for the women. How can this be?"
"I'm sorry, sir", said the doctor, "you just seem to be essentially stank and funky".