I WENT TO SCHOOL TO LEARN HOW TO COOK FRENCH CUISINE

I went to school to learn how to cook french cuisine. They said, "Put a whole lotta le butter on things". I put a tab of butter on a crystal plate and served it to the visiting Emir of somewhere and I was pronounced the greatest French chef in history. There was outrage that a foreigner should be awarded such a title. The populace burned cars in the street and then cried in their boudoirs for several days as they questioned their national identity. It was decided that I must have been a Frenchman all along. They put a stripey shirt on me and handed me a baguette and held me aloft in the city square. I didn't know how to talk french and I didn't want to spoil the whole thing they had going on so I just pursed my lips in a haughty, imperious manner and looked down upon the populace. They were beautiful.